I'm home from the hospital now and have the chemo schedule to uphold. In order to do this right, I must receive arsenic intravenously five days a week, while taking oral chemo everyday. There will be breaks here and there, but nothing substantial enough to allow my arteries the time they need to stay strong.
That's why I just underwent minor surgery to have this fancy, little port installed in the right side of my chest. The lump, which is where the nurses will poke me to administer the chemo, feeds into a tube that is directed straight into my heart. Pretty cool!
After my grandfather read me Dr. Suess' story about Starbelly Sneetches, I was pretty certain I'd never have tattoos. There's nothing wrong with them, but they aren't for me. Nonetheless, I plan to wear the scars from this surgery with pride, like tattoos. These scars connect me to my past and will be what help me to arrive at my future. I hope they always remind me of my strength, endurance, and fortitude.
I'm going to be investing a lot of time, pain, and energy in coming out better on the other side of this challenge. I might as well honor the marks as symbols of the lessons being imprinted on my spirit.
The other crazy part is that my dad had a similar scar, making this one more way I get to connect to him. He wrote all this amazing music about his ride with cancer (check out 'Sliding Backwards' on his album On & On). I find myself listening to them a lot and understanding them on a more visceral level than I ever have before. They aren't just catchy tunes anymore... they're a roadmap to surviving this ish. My dad couldn't have known it when he wrote them, but he's saving my life with his songs. A portal into the lessons he had to learn at the expense of his own life.
"Coming from a place of love puts healing within our reach. A problem's the portal to waking up. A symptom's the means to teach." -Allison2020 | 2020